2011 NL Central

I really don’t give a rat’s rear end about the NL East other than my poor, poor Nationals (Natinals). To be honest, I really don’t care about any of the National League. I know, I know, I know it’s the historic league, the one that still has pitchers hit, the one with the beloved Cubbies, blah blah blah. I don’t care. Pitchers shouldn’t hit. The DH should be standard MLB practice, but it’s fine to keep the distinction between the two leagues (the AL is better anyways). As a baseball fan, however, I’m obligated to check through both leagues. On to the NL Central.
The Cardinals didn’t add a whole lot of pieces in the offseason other than Yankee cast-off Lance Berkman (who they are bizarrely paying $8 million to play the OUTFIELD) and Cubs cast-off Ryan Theriot, who did a marvelous job pissing off many who loved him from 2007-2009 by saying that he was now on the “right side” of the Cubs-Cards rivalry (including myself. Obviously, I’m no Cubs fan. But don’t crap on my city when you leave it. Screw you, Theriot). The biggest story of the Cards offseason was their failure to give Albert Pujols all the dollars he wants (and deserves, frankly. Yes, by the numbers, Pujols deserves to be paid $30 million per season). It’s entirely possible someone (the Cubs) take Pujols away from the Cards when he hits the free agent market. I don’t bet on it though – I’ll say he ends up sacrificing a year or two in order to get to that $30 million per season limit. I’ll say…..7 years, $210 million (again, I’ll ask the question: WHY WASN’T I BORN GOOD AT BASEBALL?!!!?).
They still have Pujols for 2011. When coupled with Matt Holiday in left, Berkman in right and Colby Rasmus in center there’s little doubt the Cardinals will score runs. A rotation that boasts Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright will hold opponents scoring down. Tony LaRussa, penis/drinker extraordinaire will win. But, I don’t think the Cards have the bullpen or defense to win the division. I gotta roll with Brew Crew. Adding Zack Grienke and Shaun Marcum to Yovani Gallardo gives you the best 1-3 in the division (and tie for 2nd best in the NL) and, as Jack Sparrow said, Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun provide serious ‘thump thump’ in the middle of the lineup. Add Corey Hart in right with Casey McGehee at third and this team will do some damage. Like the Cards they are wanting defensively and the bullpen is urpy, but I love what their GM has done. I’mma roll with them.
The Red have Joey Votto (a name I love to sing. Ask me sometime….I’ll do it for ya). And unlike most, I picked them for success last year (don’t worry…I didn’t throw out my arm patting myself on the back there). They can thump, sure. But it’s still Dusty Baker. He still doesn’t value OBP and he still has no clue how to manage a pitching staff. 2011 they fall off. Hard.
The Cubs have made some nice moves this and last offseason, actually. When I thought the Sox (White) were going to leave Konerko behind, I pushed for them to sign Carlos Pena on SouthSideSox.com (GO CHECK IT OUT!). The Cubs got him for a year at $10 million and he’s a good bounce-back bet (really now…dude would have to TRY to hit .198 again with 28 home runs and a .325 OBP (which actually isn’t so terrible, considering the average). Also plucked from the 2010 Tampa Bay Rays is starting pitcher Matt Garza. He fits well with the Cubs rotation. He’s crazy and talented, but mostly crazy. Good luck with that, North Siders. They have a ton of money coming off the books this year so a run at Pujols isn’t crazy. No, seriously. It’s not. Still a 4th place team, unless absolutely EVERYTHING breaks right for them. And I like Starlin Castro a lot moving forward (he’s the new shortstop). See….I have some Cubbie love.
The other two teams in the division (the Houston Astros and Pittsburgh Pirates) really aren’t mentioning, other than to say they exist. What they do can charitably be referred to as ‘play baseball,’ but that’s some Bill Gates-level charity there. Wow, are they both absolute suck fests. Yeesh. Again…I’mma roll with the Brewers to win the division. Grieke and Marcum were both 2010 Opening Day starters for AL clubs and now move to the easier league. They should feast, Braun/Fielder with thump and the Brewers might be able to give the Prince an epic send-off into free agency. Cause mark my words….the Big Man won’t be in Wisconsin come 2012.